my nephew, the pterodactyl

Sarah and I went to the hospital to visit my sister and her family this afternoon. She had her first child, Aiden, around 2 AM Wednesday morning. They'll come home tomorrow. I visited them by my self on Wednesday when I woke up. I was still feeling emotionally raw, but wanted to make sure my sister and Eric knew that I was proud of them and thinking about them (even though I had been a serious wreck the night before--didn't talk about that). I was a bit weepy all that day. Not actually crying, but just really sensitive. You know, when you would prefer to just cry and get it over with. Well, today was a bit better. I waited until Sarah got out of work and we both went over there. Sarah held Aiden for most of the time we were there. I had moments of wanting to hold him even though generally the thought of holding babies that small makes my mind conjure dark, morbid images of me dropping them. A fear I didn't realize I had until my niece, Audrey, was born a few years ago. Not going to try to analyze that one right now. Admittedly, it was difficult to see Sarah holding Aiden. I suspected it would be and I was correct, not too much of a surprise.

I love hearing his little cry. He sounds like a pterodactyl.

They definitely seemed comfortable changing diapers and clothes and carrying the baby, yet watching Jessica and Eric work the breast pump machine and breast feed helped me to realize that their inherent parenting skills aren't any greater than ours. They still looked a little unsure, and rightfully so since neither have had a child before. It's just that I now see how some part of me felt that Sarah and I must be flawed as parents because of our miscarriages and that, by virtue of Jess having a healthy pregnancy, they were not flawed like us. It wasn't something I was conscious of until just a moment ago when I sat down to write this entry and was reflecting on being around them in the hospital today.